F 1 D 0 - 2004 12 11 at 0605

Short nightmare.

I just woke up with super duper pain. I had
a dream, or nightmare, or something. I was 
chasing a big bug out of the house.

It landed in the towels, in the clean laundry.

And then, it flew in my face.

In my dream, I reacted and swatted around
my face. In reality, here in bed, I reacted
and swatted around my face.

And dislocated my shoulder bigtime. 

This is a sad story because I'd only just
done it earlier, at the swimming pool.

I went with Tim and Tom swimming at the 
North York Memorial pool. I'd actally never
been in the facility, except to find out that
it was a pay pool. That was last year. It turns
out it is free now.

So today.

I'm there, and I realize I'm afraid of the water.
It's been a while since I've been swimming, and
the water looked cold, whatever that means. It
also looked deep. I was just so nervous.

I tried to go into the water a few ways, but
in the end sat on the ledge and eased my way
in. Still a wrong choice. I really reacted,
and dislocated it. Super duper painful.

But at some point, I found a place where I could
do a Mel Gibson, and knock my shoulder back into
its socket. And then it was better than it had 
been before. I had more mobility, and it worked!

Oh, it hurt. And it hurt all of the time. But
it was fully mobile.

Wow. That was worth it. I was glad I went swimming.

Now? 

I'm not sure. I may have undone all of the good. I
don't feel like the most recent socket insertion
was as good as the pool's one. 

One thing you get with this kind of injury is
fear. As you approach the bad point, you get
afraid. 

I'm very afraid. Like everything is the
wrong choice now.

I'm tired but not falling asleep. And I have
to get up in 90 minutes to be ready for this
appointment at 945am in the east end, where
I'll learn about a new way to use weights and
circular motions too. 

Thank you Dave Alker. 

But for now? I'm alert again. Afraid to sleep.

That's all I know.